I was saying for a while there that I maybe I needed my heart to be broken some more because I had protected myself from it for so many long years. Now... I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Taking a chance on a guy was never part of the agenda. So why did I suddenly change the lesson plan? The lesson plan that I was already comfortable with and in control of? Because I'm a fucking idiot, that's why.

Brennen and I broke up, I left him because he wasn't making me happy. I felt like I was the only one taking initiative to make us work. He used to make me so happy, he would put a smile on my face just from one simple text message. I liked that feeling. But then when the smiles stopped coming and the happiness I felt was instead replaced with frustration... I figured I should leave him because he wasn't making me happy. If he wanted me that badly, like he so said, he would have been blowing up my phone proving that he wanted me.

And so we separated for about a month until he came crawling back like I knew he would. I figured to give us another chance, it wasn't like he had cheated on me or anything. That I, uh, know of, but I am forced to trust him and believe what he says to me. So I figured I would give him another chance when he came back spilling all this shit about how he missed me. He even apologized for making me feel the way he did, which shocked me. Males generally don't apologize for anything. It's not their... style. >_>;

So I took him back. I was happy, again. He was trying harder and we even talked on the phone for hours. And now? Yeah... I haven't heard from him since Friday. I have tried multiple times to get ahold of him, asking him what was wrong... asking him why he was ignoring me because he is punishing me for a crime I didn't commit. Maybe he met someone else. Maybe he just... stopped liking me, but I refuse to believe he just woke up and said, "You know what, I don't like her anymore. I'm not gonna talk to her ever again." WTF? No, I either did something or he thinks I did something that is causing him to act like this.

If he met someone else, someone real, then fine. All he has to do is tell me and quit wasting my time. I should probably just assume he doesn't want to be with me anymore and get on with it. If I haven't heard from him by Friday, I guess that's the only choice I have left. And so I'm left here, broken hearted and betrayed. Because I am a fucking idiot and should have never believed a man could ever fall in love with me. Guilty as charged. -_-